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A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater.

When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man,
"Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The man groaned but didn't budge.
  .
The usher became more impatient."Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm
going to have to call the manager."

The man just groaned.

The usher marched briskly back up the aisle,  and in a moment he
returned with the manager.

Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the man, but with no
success.  Finally, they summoned the   police.

The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy,
what's your name?"

 "Sam," the man moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?"

With pain in his voice Sam replied "the balcony."
 
 

ONE LINERS


                            WISDOM

   A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

   On the other hand, you have different fingers.

   Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

   Back up my hard drive?  How do I put it in reverse?

   I just got lost in thought.  It was unfamiliar territory.

   When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

   Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

   Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

   He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.

   She's always late.  Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.

   You have the right to remain silent.  Anything you say will be
   misquoted, then used against you.

   Honk if you love peace and quiet.

   Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so
   popular?

   Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

   Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

   He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

   Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in
   it?

   Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some
   people appear bright until you hear them speak?

   How come abbreviated is such a long word?

   Why are they called "buildings," when they're already finished?
   Shouldn't they be called "builds"?

   Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is?

   Why does sour cream have an expiration date?

   Why is the alphabet in that order?

   Why do scientists call it research when looking for something
   new?

   How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?

   Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

   Why do we wash bath towels?  Aren't we clean when we use them?

   Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

   Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

   Do married people live longer than single people do, or does it
   just SEEM longer?

   If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are
   they all still working?

   Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

   Isn't the best way to save face, to keep the lower part shut?

   War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.
 
 
 
 
 
 

YOU AREN'T GOING TO BELIEVE THIS ONE!
Do you like card tricks? Well .... spend the week trying to figure this one out. See if you can figure out how this thing works .... but DON'T SEND ME E-MAIL! I already figured it out. Now for the fun .... just Click Here! (stolen from the TALKMASTER: Neal "blah blah"  BOORTZ)

 
 
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TKC
Dumpbrowski

 
 
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